I remember it percolating in the back of my mind. But it wasn’t until last autumn… I was snuggled on the sofa on a Monday night with a glass of red wine, watching the last few minutes of Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations show (one of my favorites of all time), and then it hit me like a cartoon anvil.
First though, Bourdain has this aging intellectual rock star image, and became famous for writing comedic tales of the gritty underworld of NYC chefs. But his celebrity was earned with his TV show No Reservations where he threads together world travel and local food adventures with his sarcastic wit… and motorcycle fashions. He became a hero to anyone who wanted to be a traveler (not a tourist), and when he wasn’t snobbishly mocking, he often spoke in reflective Kerouac-ian monologues. He has probably inspired more over-educated self-annointed elites in America than anyone, and made it cool to eat red meat and smoke cigarettes again. But then, at around age 50, he shook his fan base by not only quitting smoking and getting married, but also having a baby.
So what was the anvil hitting my head? Well, the Sardinia episode is the first one where he includes his wife and child on the show. Even though his having a family was public knowledge, the show mostly pretended like they didn’t exist before then. This was fine by me until the family episode, where he decides to bring them out… and then apologizes for it. This was the first time Bourdain ever pissed me off. What a weak-ass pussy thing to do. He should just rename the show Reservations. If he ever comes back to New Orleans, I’m going to stand on a chair and bite his nose.
“Now, not to worry. I’m not going all Jamie Oliver on you. I’m not going to be dragging my family around in future episodes. This isn’t some new family friendly Cosby-esque me.” -Anthony Bourdain
Really? At least Jamie Oliver is keeping it real and not trying to hide how happy he is. Bourdain says shit like this, and then at the end of the very same episode says: “I’m a pretty sickeningly happy guy these days.” Talk about a man in transition. Blissfully happy as a dad, and so loathe to admit it he has to immaturely pick on Jamie to reaffirm his coolness. This is just like being in the damn closet. I’m not gay, but HE is! Weak.
I’m a parent of two children that are similar in age to Bourdain’s child. And even though I’m not a celebrity, I know what it’s like to live a non-mainstream lifestyle for 15+ years of adult life and then abruptly decide to change course. Your family almost drops dead with joy because they’d given up on you, and your scenester friends think you’re a fucking traitor. You’re constantly trying to remember who it’s okay to talk about ‘baby’ stuff with. If I talk about it too little people think I’m a detached bitch, and if I talk about it too much they swear I’m trying to convince them to have kids too. Can’t win. But at some point you make peace with it and say, you know what, this is the path I’ve chosen and I’m fucking happy. You either accept my evolution or get out of the way because I will shove it up your ass. Bourdain seems to have lost his rock star bollocks somewhere and needs to find them fast. Dude, you don’t see freakshow Perry Farrell whining like that. He is working it real, doing interviews for parenting magazines, and writing kids albums. Will he always do this? Is his ‘real’ career over? Fuck no. He’s just enjoying the phase – the early years of parenting. You can do one of two things at this point: Have an identity crisis and a nervous breakdown over your ‘cool’ status, or temporarily immerse yourself in the kiddie culture, confidently knowing it doesn’t last long at all, and you should absorb these few years before they go off to school and start lives that don’t revolve around you. I’m still new at this too, but other parents have told me that kids these days hand your life back to you so fast you find yourself wondering if it was all a dream, desperate to fall back asleep and savor it slower.
I remember when I first got pregnant I planned on blogging about it, but after a few weeks I nixed the idea. Pouring out the experience, no matter how well considered and intended, suddenly felt too much like drunk posting (hormone posting?). I felt it wise to let the wave wash over me first, and contemplate the rush afterwards, not during. While dads don’t have the hormone thing they definitely undergo philosophical and emotional changes that alter their perspective. But I guess what I’m getting at is, I’m really sick of parents apologizing to non-parents for acting like parents – for taking on a bold and amazing adventure, for jumping at the controls of the busted rocketship of life and saying fuck it, let’s see where I land this bitch. You don’t need to make excuses to other people for why you chose to change, much less apologize to people who want an impossibly static and sterile world. In my experience anyway, no amount of re-arranging your vinyl collection or rotating your wine cellar will make you as happy as the messes in life – eating boiled crawfish or buffalo wings, sticky baby hands cupping your face, walking barefoot in the dirt, sloppy kisses, or filthy sweaty sex…
Anyway, I notice Bourdain’s already regrouping and finding himself again this season. In the Ecuador episode, as he began to eat a guinea pig, he let a verse of a toddler song come out. If you sneezed, you’d miss it. Any new parent would instantly notice it, but I giggled thinking how many indie music snobs probably googled the line “Linny, Tuck, and Ming Ming too” thinking it was an obscure reference to a tune that predated them. Keep up the good work, man.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Hmmm…I agree with some of what you are ranting about especially for those who have the kids and then act all apologetic about their choice. Own your choice and your happiness for hell’s sake!
However, being one of the willfully childless, I can assure you, the haughty noses in the air/the contemptuous scoffing/the thinly disguised horror I’ve personally experienced throughout my life because of my conscious decision not to have children has been manifold. I still frequently get that kind of “well, what kind of an ice-queen weirdo are you that you don’t have the nurturing mothering imperative within your soul” attitude.
It is considered far more “oddball” (society’s typical descriptive, not mine) to decide to remain childless than it is to become family focused and family-oriented. Thus, I tend to have little sympathy when those whose lives are brimming with fecundity, either by choice or by joyful happenstance, are getting some backlash. Most of them proffer the entitled-by-virtue-of-being-a-parent schtick often enough.
I could go in other directions with this rather futile children vs. childless debate, i.e., what I’ve had to deal with in terms of having to pick up the slack for co-workers at work b/c they have youngster emergencies or sporting practice or PTA meetings or (insert another in the endless stream of parenting dilemmas here). The unexpected is completely understandable. Yet there has also been a conspicuous element of convenience for a lot of it that I’ve witnessed. But like I said, this is a futile debate overall. Both sides should take a step back, chill the fuck out and let others live their lives the way they please without reeking of condescension and condemnation for those who choose the other side of it.
Oh, I know there are crazies on both sides. The parenting issue is about as controversial as religion. I call the two main factions “breeders” and “extinctionists”. One is obsessed with the parenting and all of the politics of it (natural birth, breastfeeding, homeschooling, vaccinations, etc), while the other thinks humans don’t deserve to be on the planet and having children is irresponsible because we should strive for extinction. I get an earful from both, depending on how brazen they are. Anyway, I’m not making a case for child-free folks to have kids, I just want the already happy parents out there to stop being ashamed of the fact they made babies.
LOL. Very nicely said.
And actually, sorry for leaving such a lame comment, but I can’t articulate better at the moment. It seemed better than nodding at my computer screen and clicking away ….
Yes, a brief comment is better than no comment :)
i watch Travel & Food Network every single day. i feel as though i know all these guys on a personal level (that’s how much i watch all these shows) as strange as that sounds.
i’m over Anthony. not because of all that you listed, though i agree..
i watch (eh, watched) his show for the travel and food. he’s just become too political.
i’m not interested in his opinion on these issues. just as i’m not interested in what my favorite singing artist has to say about politics.
just cook and shut up.
please.
Yeah, he’s turned me off with a few things, but he’s a pretty fair guy usually. Any NYC liberal who could go shooting with Ted Nugent and not do a hatchet job on him in the monologue is alright by me.
I always joke about that with actors. I like them until they speak. I’m looking at you Danny Glover.
I love this.
The Sardinia episode was my favorite by far because I lust to go there and was in hog heaven with the food, the scenery and the kulcha. The fam element was ok but it really didn’t make much of an impression on me except to note that his wife is pretty. The child was mildly interesting. And, actually, I was glad to hear he wasn’t going all fam on us – it does happen in TV quite often.
I suppose I should qualify my comments by saying I am childless *and* child challenged. I don’t relate too well to them until they reach about 11.
Oh, and what Elizabeth said.
Your post was very interesting though and variety is the spice of life. (ohthatwasbad)
Oh, I was cool with him NOT going family on the show, I just wanted him to NEVER bring up the subject if he was going to address it soooo badly. Yes, otherwise the episode itself was beautiful, and her relatives were an interesting bunch. Btw, the wife looks great because she is 22 years younger than he is ;)
On tour, Bourdain talks about his family, especially his toddler’s antics, and very lovingly. He is simultaneously Extremely scathing in his remarks directed at his Food Network handlers given what they make him do/say and what they will not let him do/say. I met and spoke with him in person after one of his shows and he is a most polite, sweet person (as was Lewis Black, when I come to think of it) who really loves his family, friends and life. In other words, the cable tv persona is not particularly him.
A few people I know have met him and said the same thing as you (and I’m glad to hear it because I LOVE his show), but I just couldn’t let him off the hook on this one. He’s a role model, and his words carry influence. I don’t think any kid should grow up feeling like a hindrance to her dad’s ‘coolness’, and while I’m sure that’s not what Tony meant (or really feels), that’s the message he sent out in that episode.
i actually met him and shared a booth on a train ride from London to Scotland. when I told him I was from NOLA, he couldn’t have been kinder with all the genuine compliments towards our city. his bad boy image is nothing like the gentleman i shared stories with.